Primer Fail

Darkness.  Then light. A door is opened and warm fluorescence cuts into the shadows.  A figure appears at the door, staring for too long into the freezing London night.

Unnoticed even to him, a low groan starts to emanate from his throat, imperceptible at first but growing louder each second.  He holds aloft an impossibly small plastic figure with both hands and at last the groan becomes a shout -"WHYYYYYYYYYYY ME?"

Yes folks, it's a primer fail. Read on...